That Moment When You Chose to Leave

 Hello everyone!

It's been a while since my last post I think. Been busy with lab work and life. I'm in my third semester of my masters and still proceeding the journey. It's tough and challenging. 

So today, I wanna share my feeling which I'm unable to say it loud. Not everyone gonna listen to you. Even if they listened, they might laugh about it behind your back.  It is not easy to find someone who willingly listens to you. I'm not blaming them too because I couldn't force someone to understand me. I've tried so hard to understand people, to please them without prioritized myself. At the end of every day, they didn't bother whether you're good or not. Syam told me that I should love and always put myself first. How am I gonna do that? Would it be easy? Would it hurt me less? Am I gonna be okay every time I did that?

I might look tough and DGAF-kinda person, but deep down, I'm still a human, who can be broken and hurt at times. I tried to say it aloud, finding the right words to say, still couldn't because I ended up hurting people around. They say it is wrong to feel how I felt. My feeling shouldn't be obvious because I have to care about other's feelings. I've been asking, what about my feeling? Should I just ignore it? It doesn't matter much? 

And then, one person came and comfort me. She said it is okay to feel that way. nothing wrong with your feeling. She said she'll be there to always listen to be. She would always be around when I need it. When the time came, she left, she's gone. She ignored me. She knew how hard it is for me to open up to someone, and when she'd convinced me, she did what others did. I have no right to force her to stay, the leaving was my only option. 

when I left, they blame me for being childish and think too much about my feelings.  I ended up crying alone and that irritating feelings linger around. It took all my gut to leave everything behind. Do you know how hard it is? It is true, some friends gonna be around on your best days and good fit, not everyone willing to be around when you're at your worst!

That's all

GTG

Miss A